Monday, May 3, 2010

Decrepit, Despondent, and Drained, but Hopeful


There was an empty chair at the Coconut Grove Art Festival back in February, so all I had to do was sit and sketch the scene. This week I colored the drawing in spare time increments (which, unfortunately, is how I always seem to do things these days). That last session I was tired when I started, and not at all pleased when I finished. I half-heartedly scanned it and couldn't think of one good thing to say about it. I could barely write a word. I was exhausted.

On her blog, Katharine Cartwright (my art philosophy guru) has just started discussing a book that I highly recommend, Art & Fear: Observations on the perils (and rewards) of Artmaking, by David Bayles and Ted Orland. I love this book, and truly believe that reading it was one of the reasons that I picked up a brush again after decades. It's also a book that I read from time to time whenever I need a boost.

One thing that Kathy mentions from the book, is that artists are very concerned with process. The viewer of the art is not at all - the viewer of the art only cares about the end result. In this way there is a disconnect between artist and viewer.

And, oh, about this picture I could think of so many things I did that I shouldn't have done, and, oh, what I could have done if I'd only done like I should've, and man, why didn't I have a better grasp of watercolors after all this time, and shoot, why didn't I keep my eye on the ball - where the light was coming from, and blasted, why didn't that color lift and why hadn't I tested the staining qualities of my pigments like I'd been meaning to do, and so on. Process.

And then I showed the picture to my wife, who is always an honest arbiter of my work, a fierce critic both for and against. I don't always agree, but she's handy to have around. (I think I'll keep her.) And she liked it. She didn't have a bad thing to say about it which I chalked up to her lack of hard knowledge of the craft. So decrepit, despondent, and drained, I went to sleep.

The next afternoon, the sun was shining, and I ventured another look inside my Moleskine. And, you know? I kind of liked it. Not as good as it could be, maybe, but better than I'd thought. Maybe I was the viewer now.

And what is the hope anyway? That in a year I'd open the book again and smile at my efforts and think of how far I've come, and of the journey yet ahead.

The idea, I think, is to open the book and draw and paint, and then close it..and move on.

Celeste Bergin, a marvelous painter, once commented on one of my posts that painters know that there's PAIN in the word PAINTING. But she said, "Painters have to be willing to fail over and over." That, I suppose, is because they do.

Say..I'm a painter!!

26 comments:

  1. Dan, you're too hard on yourself. I think this is a great drawing/painting! I wish I had one of those "wife thingyies" for some honest critiques... Can I pick one up at the nearest Walmart? ;)

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  2. Oh, Dan, oh, Dan... I have been taking a Life Drawing class (just for "fun") and the teacher kept handing out quotes from Art & Fear. Each time I would read something I'd think, "YES! that's exactly right." So I bought a copy to have all the time. And I agree...just paint the painting, do the sketch, WHATEVER, and move on. You are always an inspiration.

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  3. Who are you trying to kid Dan? ^^ These are awesome, your drawings has always got some really interesting story to tell, and this doesn't lack either. =)

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  4. I can relate--these are helpful words to me today. Btw, I like the sketch!

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  5. Very true words, Dan, and I think I'll try and buy the book, hoping there are a few lines about "getting stuck and not knowing what to do with your pen, for days". Anyway, your sketches are so full of life, I just get the impression I witnessed the scene too !

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  6. Hey Dan...great post (and thanks for the shout out!) --Sometimes it is the opposite of what you wrote about--sometimes you think something is great and then you look at it later and say....whaaaa? I liked THIS? lol. For me there are shifting perceptions all over the place. You are so right, the best thing to do is just do the work and go to the next thing. I have an idea that that is exactly what the greats did. I've forgotten which artist was asked "which is your favorite painting?" --the answer he gave was "the next one".

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  7. Trying to paint when you are exhausted isn't always the best idea, many times I've stayed up late trying to finish, only to find I hate what I've done the next morning. I've also found that the paintings I thought were really bad are the ones that people like the most...so where's the logic in that?
    p.s. I thought your sketch was really good he he

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  8. Enjoyed the sketch, your writing, the thoughts therein...all of it! I can definitely say I've had days like that: hate my drawings, then the next day they don't seem half bad. Thanks for the reminders!

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  9. Hi Dan, thanks for the "nod." Sometimes we're our own worst critic. But, we can learn from this attribute. Like your other commentors, I really like this drawing! But, what YOU don't like in it you can change in future works. That's how we improve. What I've really liked about all the sketches you've posted is that they're both well-drawn and engaging. You reveal a world that I want to spend some time in. It's comfortable. Isn't that the goal of all artists - to create something that engages the viewer? You've done it!!

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  10. what a good thing that courage won out. From this viewer's point of view you've captured a moment and numerous interactions. I can imagine the thoughts and conversations that might be happening to the individuals you've pictured. Thanks for the book recommendation. I don't know it but I certainly know the fear of artmaking or rather the fear of onlookers viewing the art I've made. dana

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  11. I'm with your wife, Dan. This is a quite fine piece. I thought you were naming art fair visitors, much like the seven dwarfs. Then I thought you were talking about me. Then you mentioned you were talking about you! LOL So? We all feel like this at times, yes? Well, I always feel like this, really. Funny you mentioned rather liking the piece when you looked at it the next day. That happens to me quite a bit with my own stuff. I hadn't thought of why, though I wondered. I think that disconnect between artist and viewer is spot on.

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  12. Oh those inner critics.. They are way too harsh on us.
    The first thing I thought when I visited this post before I read your words was "Oh I wish I could do a sketch that looked like this." I feel you have captured the essence of this scene quite well.

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  13. I think the drawing is great - a slice of life, very expressive and detailed! Makes me completely imagine the setting and the people moving and talking. We always have a tendancies to look at the details we don't like in our own work, but the viewer sees the whole first.
    Loved your post, it made me think, and laugh ^^.

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  14. I think it's a wonderful painting, Dan! And the good thing about lighting, well, shading, is that you can add more later if you should choose. If not, just say it was a bit of a gray day. Love these references to the book--chalk full of wisdom. I really must read it someday, but my library doesn't carry it, and I'm watching the funds at the moment. Your posts are always so thoughtful, and I'm so amazed that you get out to sketch in public so often! (I know you've been busy and haven't been out much lately, but if you haven't noticed, not too many of my sketches are out in public anymore. It's more a frustration of finding good places to sketch than fear, though.)

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  15. I'll say you are a painter. Great job on this.

    Art and Fear is recommended reading for all, imho.

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  16. Art is like life--or life is like art. You do it and move on. Sometimes we learn; sometimes we don't. We must keep doing it.

    I like this drawing/painting. You put so much life into a small piece of paper!

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  17. Dan - I think your art work is wonderful. They are always lively and seem to tell a tale.

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  18. Wonderful work Dan! As always!! I'm so glad you picked up your brush again after so many years- it's great to see how you interpret life. Thank you for being such an inspiration!

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  19. I agree with Sandra - listen to your wife! It's fine, just as it is. Your sketches and paintings are always right on, and I love reading what you have to say about them. ..... I'm going to try to find the book - I'm with Martine! nancy

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  20. Your words, your process . . . so directly and articulately expressed. I really love that. And the sketch will always bring about that memory, bittersweet though it may be. That connection is so cool, I think. The sketch is terrific, too!! A win-win!

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  21. Very wise words Dan and a great sketch. I put something away if I'm not happy with it and look another day..very true about being caught up in the process.(Sometimes if time is short I look at an image in the mirror.)
    Now I'm off to look at the picture I nearly threw away yesterday....

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  22. A lot of the time I don't read all of your posts, I must admit. It's not that I'm not interested, but with two kids and a house and a garden, and water colors of my own that I struggle to get time to play with... Mostly I just scan the drawings and move on. Today however I read your post, and I am glad I did. It really gave me something to think about today! Thank you for sharing so generously of your art and your wise thoughts!

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  23. I think it's a lively sketch. So in the moment. It's great. Being tired is not the time to decide if you like a painting. I personally do not just like to do a sketch and move on. I like to look at it a bit. Sometimes I add to it, sometimes I feel quite happy with myself (especially when someone recognizes what I drew,lol) and sometimes I am not. I still tend to look at it several times before moving on. I guess I am not always done with the experience just because I am done with the sketch.

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  24. I think this is a wonderful painting, but your story- ah, that is the real gem! To know that other people whose work I like and admire have the same struggles and fears that I do is a priceless gift. I'm a stay at home mom and definitely an amateur at this art thing and to hear artists and how they think is not something I have a chance to do. Thank you so much for sharing!!

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  25. Sorry for the delay in getting back to you all! Love your comments on this post. Thank you so much! Many enlightened comments here - good thoughts. Especially Sandra's: "Listen to your Wife!" Good advice.

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